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Friday, 19 May 2017

three very funny jokes


It's always the cute guys that will walk up to you with charming eyes, and whisper  to you, "my friend likes you" then he will point at one monkey with big forehead like that of rabbit.


A blind man appeared in court on a murder charge for beating a young man to death....
The judge asked the blind man: What do you have to say in your defense? For I see you have chosen not to have a lawyer.
The blind man replied: Well your Honor, I was walking down the road tapping my cane to guide me when I accidentally tap a young man's foot. The young man shouted in a loud voice, "Blind man if you hit me with that stick again you will see!"
So just like the woman who touched Jesus' robe and was healed, I decided to have faith. So I hit him and hit him and hit him, and up to this day I still can't see.
The judge says: "Case dismissed. You're free to go"


A guy posted on Facebook
   And he blocked me!
My people, did I say anything wrong?

" All ladies are like recharge cards, use them and throw away". And I replied: "Which network is your mum?

Thursday, 18 May 2017

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Friday, 12 May 2017

POEM - GONE WITH THE WIND

GONE WITH THE WIND

Oh my love! Where did thou go
I’m searching for you but seems not to find you.
Where has the wind blown you to 
Come to me my love
Let me  feel your warm embrace
Your hands caressing my skin
Me looking into your eyes
And finding peace in thy presence
You have enveloped me with so much feelings
Come let me pour out the love I have for you on you
I wish to wake up with you by my side each morning
Please wind, bring back my love
Come back to me love, please come
My heart beats for your return
My ears seek to hear the sound of your voice
My eyes wishes to behold thee
Come to me love, please come
My hope of ever seeing you is falling down like a dried leave falling from the tree
The sun comes and goes each day yet you have not come to me
Now I know you’ll never be mine
You have gone with the wind.

Wednesday, 10 May 2017

Nigeria's vice president takes over as the coordinator of Nigeria government.
        Nigeria's President Muhammadu Buhari, due to his ailment wrote a letter to the senate. In his letter he took a permission for medical follow up. The Nigerian president who has been traveling out of the country for quite sometime now over his health issues gave the vice-president Yemi Osinbajo the authority as the coordinator of Nigeria government while he travels to London for treatment and said that the length of his stay will be determined by the advice of the doctors.

India food recipes

•    SAMOSAS
Ingredients
1.    5 cups of flour
2.    8 tbsp. unsalted butter, cubed and chilled
3.    Kosher salt, to taste
4.    1⁄2 cup ice-cold water
5.    1 lb. russet potatoes, peeled and roughly chopped
6.    4 carrots, roughly chopped
7.    3 tablespoon of canola oil
8.    1 teaspoon of cumin seeds
9.    1 small yellow onion, minced
10.    1⁄2 cup frozen peas, defrosted
11.    1⁄2 cup minced cilantro
12.    1⁄2cup minced mint
13.    1⁄2 teaspoon  garam masala
14.    2 small green Thai chiles or 1 serrano, minced
15.    1 (1") piece of ginger, peeled and minced
16.    Tamarind and coconut-cilantro chutneys, for serving (optional)
Procedures
1.    Make the dough - Pulse flour, butter, and salt in a food processor into pea-size crumbles.
2.    Add water; pulse until dough forms. Divide into 12 balls; chill 1 hour.
3.    Make the filling: Boil potatoes and carrots in a 4-qt. saucepan of salted water until tender, 8–10 minutes. Drain; coarsely mash. 
4.    Add 2 tbsp. oil to pan; heat over medium-high. Cook cumin seeds until they pop, 1–2 minutes. 
5.    Add onion and ginger; cook until golden, 4–6 minutes. 
6.    Allow it to cool; stir into potato mixture with peas, cilantro, mint, garam masala, chiles, and salt.
7.    Form and fry samosas: Working with 1 ball at a time
8.    roll dough into a 6" round; cut in half. Gather straight edges of 1 half-round together, overlapping by 1⁄4" to form a cone. Moisten seam with water; press to seal. Spoon 1 tbsp. filling into cone.
9.    Moisten edges of cone with water; pinch to seal. Heat 2" oil in a 6-qt. saucepan until a deep-fry thermometer reads 350°. Fry samosas until crisp, 8–10 minutes. Drain on paper towels; serve with chutneys if you like.


Tuesday, 9 May 2017

funny story

An English language teacher
in a junior secondary school gave  her students in Jss 1 class homework
saying, "Write a story that ends with,
''And so, she got angry''." The teacher didn't specify the amount of words to be written.
A little girl didn't even go home to write hers, but used only 3 minutes to write it in class after the teacher left.
The next day, all the students
submitted their work. The teacher was smiling while marking because,all the students did well.
     Some were able to write about 400 words and over. When the teacher got to the little girl's own,it read,
''Our teacher gave us homework, but i didn't want to do it, I wrote only two
lines, and so, he got angry''

Which pass mark do you think she deserves?

A dolphin found stranded on the beach in a village in south China

The dolphin who was about two metres in length and weighing over a hundred kilogram was found on the beach in a village in south China on Sunday. The dolphin had an injury on it's skin .The skin infection had symptoms of dehydration.
        The local residence that found the dolphin called the police to help it back in the sea. To avoid hurting the dolphin the militants and the police men pushed it slowly into the sea.
        The local fishing farming department offered expert advice. They carried the injured dolphin to a nearby place and treated its wound before putting it back to the sea.

Monday, 8 May 2017

funny joke

John was at a bar, just staring at his drink on the table.He kept staring at the ↽drink for quite some time.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying, the truck driver says, "come on man, i was just joking. here, i'll buy you another drink. i just cant stand to see a man cry".
"No, it's not that... this day is the worst day of my life. first, i fall asleep, and i went late to my office. my boss outrageously, fires me. when i leave the building, to my car, i found out it was stolen. the police said that they can do nothing. i get a cab to return home, and when i leave it, i remembered i left my wallet and credit cards there.. the cap driver just drives away."
i go home, and when i get there, i find my wife in bed with the gardener. i left home, and come to this bar. And just when i was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drank my poison.

How to prepare gulab jamun - India dish

INDIAN DISH
•    GULAB JAMUN
Ingredients
1.      2  cups of  dry powdered milk
2.       5 tablespoons  flour
3.        4 tablespoons ghee (clarified butter), melted
4.        1 teaspoon of baking powder
5.        1 cup of warm milk
6.        2 tablespoon chopped almonds (if you like)
7.        A pinch of ground cardamom
8.        1 quart vegetable oil for deep frying
9.        1 1/4 cups white sugar
10.        7 fluid ounces water
11.        1 teaspoon of rose water
Procedures
1.    Mix water, sugar and ground cardamoms together
2.    Mix the flour, milk powder and soda together
3.    Add ghee and  then mix it very well
4.    Make 18 to 20 equal sized balls and heat up the pan with ghee or oil
5.    Add the balls when the ghee is just medium hot
6.    Then Fry the balls until golden stirring uniformly.
7.    Add them to the hot syrup.

Little Johnny prays a funny prayer At dinner, ...

Little Johnny prays a funny prayer
At
dinner, ...
    Little Johnny was ordered to lead in prayer...:
Johnny: But i dont know how to
pray.
DAD: Just pray for your family
members, friends and
neighbours, the poor, etc
JOHNNY
he started
Thank u for our visitors and
their children, who finished all my cookies and ice
cream.
Bless them so they won't come
again.
Forgive our neighbour's
son, who always remove
my sister's clothes and wrestle with her on her
bed.
This coming Christmas, please
send clothes to all
those poor naked ladies on my daddy's Blackberry!
...and also provide shelter for the homeless men who use
mom's
room when daddy is at work!
°°°AMEN°°°°
………Dinner was cancelled!

Sunday, 7 May 2017

MATCH SCORES

PREMIER LEAGUE

Sunday 07/05/2017

ARSENAL  2 - 0 MAN.UTD

LIVERPOOL 0 - 0 SOUTHAMPTON

SCOTTISH PREMIERSHIP

HEARTS 1 - 2 ABERDEEN

learn how to cook calabar soup - edikan ikon soup


•    EDIKAN IKON SOUP (CALABAR)
Ingredients
1.    Stock fish – 150g
2.    Beef – 250g
3.    Dried fish – 250g
4.    Kpomo – 100g
5.    Fresh pepper – 10 seeds
6.    Pumpkin leave – 2 kg
7.    Water leaf – 1 kg
8.    Onions – 1 bulb
9.    Palm oil – 2 desert spoon
10.    Crayfish – 20g
11.    Seasoning – 2 cubes
12.    Salt
Procedure
1.    Cut beef, season and boil
2.    Add stock fish and wash kpomo, cut into small pieces
3.    Add dried fish
4.    Cut the leaves into tiny piece
5.    Add little water if possible e.g 1 cup
6.    Add the ground pepper, onions and crayfish
7.    Add all the vegetables
8.    Add the palm oil
9.    Add little salt and seasoning
10.    Allow to Simmer for about 5 minutes
11.    Serve with pounded yam, fufu or eba

Saturday, 6 May 2017

Joke- conversation between dad & son

Dad: who do you like more, Dad or Mum?
Child : Both
Dad: Ok, if I go to America & your Mum goes to Paris, where will you go?
Child: Paris...
Dad: that means U like ur Mum more?
Child: No, that means I like Paris.
Dad: Ok, if I go to Paris & your Mum goes to America, where will U go?
Child: America
Dad: (Angry) why!?
Child: well, bcos I've been to Paris before.
Dad: (Angry) when did U go to Paris?
Child: In the first question U asked...

Friday, 5 May 2017

How to prepare Indian dishes

•    PRAWN CURRY
Ingredients
1.    Fresh prawn, 15 to 20 large size
2.    Onions – 3 bulbs
3.    Garlic – 3 cloves
4.    Groundnut oil – 1 large spoon
5.    Curry powder – 1 large spoon
6.    Tomatoes
7.    Water – half cup
8.    Stock or coconut milk
9.    Salt
Procedure
1.    Shell and clean prawn
2.    Chop up onions and garlic
3.    Fry the chopped onions and garlic until brown
4.    Add curry powder and fry until brown
5.    Add salt, tomatoes, the water or stock and the prawn
6.    Boil gently for 15 – 20 minutes.

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